Autumn Rain

Today, I felt more inspired to write. Sitting by my porch with the door open, listening to the autumn rain, undoubtedly turns ones hectic mind into a relaxed state. My mind has not been relaxed in a very long time. Yesterday, was a very bad day for me in terms of my depression, and I …

Do Affirmations Really Work?

So our air conditioner decided to die yesterday morning, after weeks of telling the apartment complex something seemed wrong with it. It's unfortunate that outside, in 90 degree weather with high humidity, is cooler than being in your own apartment. The apartment complex did give us a fan, which we put in the bedroom and …

Things “To Do” and “Not To Do” When You’re Spiraling

My phone has been giving me a hard time lately, so I haven't been able to get on here to write. It wasn't allowing me to access apps or even call and text people. I've gotten it fixed but I do need to get an upgrade. Aside from that, I've also just been playing Sims …

Music, Memory and Emotion

Music has always been that one thing that carries me through tough times. For as long as I can remember, music comforted me in ways that no person I knew could. I still remember each and every song I listened to during the times where I was really struggling. Even now, if I go back …

FemFusion Fitness

Over the weekend, my mom showed me this really interesting program that she bought and is currently using. She said she has had great results so far and showed me a few of the videos that you receive when you purchase the program. It looks very promising for many women...and men! This is not really …

How Depression has effected Vaginismus for me

I’ve noticed that I’ve had to put working on vaginismus on hold for quite some time because I needed to manage my depression. My therapist and psychiatrist said that, “Since your depression is fatal, we need to focus all of our attention on that first.” So, that’s what I’ve been doing. Unfortunately, the outcome of …

Feeling Worthless

When you are living with depression and anxiety, then vaginismus on top of that, it can be hard to hold onto relationships. You are constantly struggling, but ultimately feel guilty that you are bringing another person into your mess. You feel like you are ruining another person's life and holding them back from having happiness. …

Vaginismus and Depression

These past few weeks have not been the best for my depression. The episodes I'll have are so severe that I sometimes can't control my own actions or even what I say. Much of this has to do with vaginismus. The feelings of sadness, worthlessness, guilt, anger, frustration and disappointment come to my mind straight …

Surgery Consultation

With everything going on in the world right now, it feels weird to write a blog about myself. I truly hope all of you are healthy and not struggling financially, like so many are. It's a crazy time we are living in right now. On Tuesday, I had my surgery consultation with my new gynecologist/surgeon. …

My Lab Results

I hadn't planned on coming on here to provide an update on my lab results, but I decided that it might be an interesting part of my journey with vaginismus. The reason I say this is because there was one section of my lab results that didn't quite make sense. I wasn't sick when I …