Vaginismus and Depression

These past few weeks have not been the best for my depression. The episodes I'll have are so severe that I sometimes can't control my own actions or even what I say. Much of this has to do with vaginismus. The feelings of sadness, worthlessness, guilt, anger, frustration and disappointment come to my mind straight …

Past Experiences

Have any of you ever had a job that completely abused you emotionally and mentally? So much so, that you had to go on antidepressants and almost committed suicide? A previous job that I had was so emotionally abusive that I still have PTSD from it. It’s heartbreaking because it was in a field that …

Expressing Emotions about Vaginismus Through Art

Drawing and writing has always been my outlet during the hard times. I drew this self portrait a VERY long time ago when I was 18 and first found out that I had vaginismus. I felt broken and vulnerable. I felt rejected by my relationship, friends and family. So, as my way of expression and …

“Be a Lady They Said”

Katrin With Love posted this video on my Living with Vaginismus Facebook Group. I was so happy she did she because this video leaves a very powerful message for the viewer. Be A Lady They Said When I watched this video, I instantly began to tear up without even realizing it. I got goosebumps and …

Life Update

So I really considered doing some research and writing a flavorful blog on something new, but I just couldn't do it. Yesterday I had a massive panic attack out of nowhere and I'm still feeling depressed from it. It's been such a long time that I didn't know what to do in that moment. I …

You Are Not Broken and You Never Were

Broken: Having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.Webster's Dictionary I can't tell you the countless times I've told myself that I'm broken because of my vaginismus. However, what defines "broken?" I used to think that because I couldn't have sex something was wrong with me. Everyone else …

Tips to Help the Anxious Brain Sleep

Are you having trouble sleeping lately? I'm not sure what it is, but everyone in my office and personal life are having the worst time getting a good night's sleep. I don't think I've had a full nights sleep in 2 weeks. So, after talking with my therapist, because I had absolutely no idea why …

Medicate Poem

Medicate to numb the pain. It'll change the chemicals inside your brain. Their empty promises are loud and clear. Everything they said became my own worst fear. **** I was high on life and then I was low, Choking down the pills for their little sideshow. Weight crept on me like a silent killer, Making …

Easily Forgotten, Easily Ignored Poem

I go unnoticed on a silent street. Sometimes forgotten in an empty backseat. They laugh when they realize their accidental mistake. I sit in silence watching my heart break. **** Easily forgotten, easily ignored. I lay my head down on a cold dashboard. When will the colors finally come out to play? Do I even …

Phantom Voices Poem

Phantom voices fill my head, Whispering chilling tales as I lay in bed. Part of me begs for those voices to go. The rest of me pleads for them to flow. **** I move from my bed to lay on the floor, Hoping to catch a glimpse of reality once more. The numbing tides sweep …