한국에 공부하러 가고 싶어요

한국에 공부하러 가고 싶어요. Such a simple sentence. "I want to go to Korea to study." I've been studying today to keep myself from spiraling too deeply. I am on an app called HelloTalk, where you can help others learn languages. I posted this and had so many individuals from Korea like it, as well …

Feeling Worthless

When you are living with depression and anxiety, then vaginismus on top of that, it can be hard to hold onto relationships. You are constantly struggling, but ultimately feel guilty that you are bringing another person into your mess. You feel like you are ruining another person's life and holding them back from having happiness. …

Vaginismus and Depression

These past few weeks have not been the best for my depression. The episodes I'll have are so severe that I sometimes can't control my own actions or even what I say. Much of this has to do with vaginismus. The feelings of sadness, worthlessness, guilt, anger, frustration and disappointment come to my mind straight …

Past Experiences

Have any of you ever had a job that completely abused you emotionally and mentally? So much so, that you had to go on antidepressants and almost committed suicide? A previous job that I had was so emotionally abusive that I still have PTSD from it. It’s heartbreaking because it was in a field that …

Amazing Anime

My husband has recently gotten me to watch some great anime TV shows. I never thought I would enjoy them but, after they finished, I found myself sad and wanting more. Plus, I miss Kakashi and Spike! Luckily, he says there are a few more he plans to show me, like Attack on Titan. I …

Fun Things to Do While Quarantined!

During this weird time in our lives, we are experiencing something that we have never really experienced before…being stuck at home and unable to hangout with friends or family in person. Many of us are lucky to live with friends or family members, but others might be flying this quarantine period solo. This can be …

Writer’s Block: Advice?

Have any of you ever tried to write a fictional novel based on events that have actually happened to you? Did you find it terribly difficult? If so, why was it difficult for you? I'm struggling for many reasons. It's sometimes difficult to remember everything and, when I do, the memories make me sad.Despite changing …

Surgery Consultation

With everything going on in the world right now, it feels weird to write a blog about myself. I truly hope all of you are healthy and not struggling financially, like so many are. It's a crazy time we are living in right now. On Tuesday, I had my surgery consultation with my new gynecologist/surgeon. …

My Lab Results

I hadn't planned on coming on here to provide an update on my lab results, but I decided that it might be an interesting part of my journey with vaginismus. The reason I say this is because there was one section of my lab results that didn't quite make sense. I wasn't sick when I …

Expressing Emotions about Vaginismus Through Art

Drawing and writing has always been my outlet during the hard times. I drew this self portrait a VERY long time ago when I was 18 and first found out that I had vaginismus. I felt broken and vulnerable. I felt rejected by my relationship, friends and family. So, as my way of expression and …