I’m pretty sure I’m cursed

It’s been awhile since I’ve come on here to write a good post relating to vaginismus. I planned on doing this yesterday, as I had a very productive and educational therapy session, but the universe had other plans for me.

My car decided to start making a horrible grinding and cranking noise. By this time, only one mechanic place was open close by. It closed in 30 minutes, so I rushed over to see if they could take a look at it.

They told me they couldn’t look at it at that time, so I had to schedule an appointment. My appointment is today at 4pm, meaning I have to leave work extra early with no PTO. Super.

He did go out and check the noise as I kept asking if he thinks it’s okay to drive. He told me it could be one of two things.

1. It could be the transmission, which is very bad and expensive

2. It could be an easy fix of a loose part

Well, here’s hoping it’s diagnosis number 2.

If it’s not, we won’t be able to pay for a new transmission, so we will have to budget in to get a new car. This will then mean my botox procedure and appointment to see if I have endometriosis will have to wait…yet again.

I’m extremely depressed because it’s been 10+ years with this condition and, of course, adult life things had to happen less than one month before my procedure consultation.

My car was completely fine earlier that day, but you never know when things will break.

I just have to hit myself for getting my hopes up, when I explicitely told myself not to in terms of vaginismus. However, things were looking up. This was the first time someone was going to do a procedure to look inside and see what’s going on, plus I was going to be getting the botox I’d been waiting for.

So, note to self: Never get your hopes up.