Becoming irrelevant is a hard pill to swallow. I’ve noticed this pattern within the last 6 – 8 months.
Of course, I wish I could spend money on promoting things, like my book, my Facebook support group and my other social media accounts. Of course, I wish I lived in a larger town and reached a larger audience so that I could meet these women in person and turn the workshops I’ve created years ago into a reality. Of course, I have a full-time job that doesn’t allow me to spend copious amounts of my time and energy into advocating for women who suffer with vaginismus. Of course, it does hurt when people you’ve inspired use and abuse you. Of course, it does make you feel slightly defeated when those you’ve inspired have the money and time to make advocating their full-time job, so you quickly become irrelevant within the community.
However, it’s all about perspective and remembering the reason why you began this in the first place.
Sure, I don’t have money to spare, but I do have a voice and I’m not afraid to use it. Just because I can’t promote doesn’t mean I should hinder myself from still putting content out there for women when I can. Sure, I don’t have a great deal of time to devote to helping others, but I still bust my ass trying. When I had women contacting me in the beginning, I read all their emails thoroughly and answered each and every one of them. Yes, it still does hurt to have once been a major voice within the community, even inspiring others to do the same, only to have now become irrelevant due to my lack of resources, but I still do what I can.
The reason I began advocating for women with vaginismus was because no one else was, and I wanted to show women that they are not alone with this condition. I wanted to reach a broad audience of people, so that more awareness would be built around vaginismus and so that researchers might try to find better ways to help us. Clearly, I’ve accomplished that.
Vaginismus is making its way onto TV shows and movies, more books are being written about it, women are now coming forward to share their stories, and counselors and other advocates are bringing vaginismus into their repertoire to help others. I’d call that a major success.
So, despite my “wishes,” I’m still proud of myself for what I’ve done and I’m extremely proud of others for picking up extra matches to keep the fire burning.
However, I’m not giving up on fulfilling my “wishes.” I’ll still continue to bust my ass to advocate and, hopefully, I’ll one day reach a wider audience and even meet them in person.