A New You for New Years

With 2019 approaching, I am eager to see what the New Year has to offer. For me, 2018 has been rough! I think I can honestly say it’s been one of the hardest years I’ve ever had…and that’s saying something. Things that I’m glad to leave behind in 2018 are:

  • gaining weight from my meds
  • struggling with my mental health and vaginismus
  • feeling unmotivated to do anything productive
  • being bullied at work for no reason
  • feeling helpless and insignificant at work and in life
  • stressing about finances
  • feeling like my accomplishments don’t matter
  • eating poorly and neglecting my workout routine

I think you get the picture….

This year, I am going to keep a positive attitude, appreciate the small achievements I have made, become healthier and continue to spread awareness about vaginismus/mental health/animal rights. I don’t intend to set a timeline for these intentions, but I’m working on a vision board to help motivate me and keep me productive.

I love the idea of a new year and starting fresh every January; however, every New Years I’ve had has been awful! It’s actually made me really hate the holiday. My list of bad New Years goes like this:

  • I’ve been rejected by my crush
  • I’ve been ignored by my crush
  • I wanted to tell my crush I liked them, but then they came to the party with their new girlfriend
  • I always end up not having a person to kiss on New Years, yet everyone around me does
  • Whenever I had a boyfriend, we were never in the same town on New Years
  • When I finally was enjoying New Years with a boyfriend, he got mad at me because we couldn’t have sex
  • I got locked in a room with a stranger and sexually assaulted. I had to punch him to get him off of me and I found out that my friends left me at the party by myself
  • I had a breakdown because I was suffering from severe anxiety and depression and not taking meds

So, I’m not setting my hopes high. I’m simply going to treat it like any other day. I’m going to treat every day like it might be my last and just enjoy life. I do have big hopes for the upcoming year, but I’m not going to let these things consume me. I am crossing my fingers that I get this new job, that I can fit into my wedding dress by October 2019, that my vaginismus will get better and I’m hoping our finances work out so that we don’t feel like we are sinking. However, if things don’t work out the way I hope, I’m going to keep reminding myself that I did my best and it simply wasn’t meant to be.

I hope all of you have a fantastic New Years and that all of your resolutions/goals/aspirations/dreams come true 🙂

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