Would you be proud?

If you were here right now would you be proud of me?

Talking to me with your light blue eyes and hot green tea.

I sometimes wonder what you would say,

Would you ever imagine I’d finally find my way?

Remember when I lept out of the car because I was mad?

I remember you and mom being so concerned, tearful and sad.

I was a teenager and didn’t understand my emotions.

Not really living, but just going through the motions.

If only I had said “yes” to you buying me lunch,

to think it would have been the last one we ever touched.

You were so well, how could I have ever known?

It was you who held the family together like a brilliant capstone.

It’s sad to think you are no longer around,

to watch me walk down the isle in my wedding gown.

So many questions I wish I would have asked you now.

But I was too self-absorbed to ask then anyhow.

You were always a big fan of anything I would do,

even if at the time I had no freakin’ clue.

I traversed the road most traveled,

and tripped over pebbles, stones, rocks and gravel.

As you watch me now, what would you say?

Would you have told me you were proud I didn’t stay?

Would you be happy that I did not succumb,

and be proud of the lady whom I have become?

For Grandma N.

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