If you were here right now would you be proud of me?
Talking to me with your light blue eyes and hot green tea.
I sometimes wonder what you would say,
Would you ever imagine I’d finally find my way?
Remember when I lept out of the car because I was mad?
I remember you and mom being so concerned, tearful and sad.
I was a teenager and didn’t understand my emotions.
Not really living, but just going through the motions.
If only I had said “yes” to you buying me lunch,
to think it would have been the last one we ever touched.
You were so well, how could I have ever known?
It was you who held the family together like a brilliant capstone.
It’s sad to think you are no longer around,
to watch me walk down the isle in my wedding gown.
So many questions I wish I would have asked you now.
But I was too self-absorbed to ask then anyhow.
You were always a big fan of anything I would do,
even if at the time I had no freakin’ clue.
I traversed the road most traveled,
and tripped over pebbles, stones, rocks and gravel.
As you watch me now, what would you say?
Would you have told me you were proud I didn’t stay?
Would you be happy that I did not succumb,
and be proud of the lady whom I have become?
For Grandma N.