Trying on Different Shoes

Despite what some of you may think, because of my anxiety, I do desire adventure and trying new things.

I’m always searching for new and fun opportunities to tackle, like this blog for instance.

Over the past week, I’ve already tried two new things and have a plan to do another with my fiance.

While I don’t normally show my artwork to strangers, and I’m terribly afraid to sell them, I was asked to be in an art show and to sell my work. I actually accepted! My forms and paperwork have all been submitted, so it is official and will be happening in April. I’m extremely excited and also nervous. Now to get some copies made and frame things!

The other little side project I thought would be interesting was to contact a modeling agency and submit a photo. They contacted me back and wanted an interview. They told me they wanted to hire me and offered me to be a model/actress for them.

While I was completely shocked by their offer, since I was simply doing this for fun, I ended up telling them that financially it wasn’t a great time for me. They required quite a bit of money for my head shots and body shots, and I would be responsible for all travel and wardrobe expenses. Plus, I work full time, and most companies that are looking for models hire in the morning during the weekdays. They asked if I would be able to switch days with someone and I knew I couldn’t. Besides, modeling isn’t my passion. Working in a museum is, and I would never give that up for anything.

My fiance and I are also going to try the “Yes, man” challenge from the movie lol

I will create a day of activities to challenge him and he has to say “Yes” to every one of them. Then he will create a day of activities that challenge me and I have to agree to all of them. I’m extremely excited by this!

So, that’s what I’ve been doing this week. It’s been quite adventurous and full of new prospects. I’m also feeling a bit more creative and might try picking up that pencil or typing more of my book on vaginismus. Who knows? 😉

I will admit though that I haven’t been using the dilators. I have mostly been focusing on learning to relax and feel more comfortable with intimacy. My therapist told me that I need to get out of this “guilt” mentality that I constantly feel for not using my dialtors because, even though I’m not using them, I’m still working on vaginismus.

Ugh, it’s been a rollercoaster though. I honestly don’t think I’ve gotten anywhere with vaginismus and it’s killing me. I may go back to trying the dilators again, but they always make me feel incredibly depressed. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing here.

There needs to be like a pill to make all of this go away. Yes, I’m looking at all of you chemists and scientists out there! 😜

Featured image credit: trevoykellyphotography

10 thoughts on “Trying on Different Shoes

  1. Awww good for you hun! I was stuck in the pattern of always wanting to try something new, thinking about how great it would be for a while, and then giving myself a reason not to do it….This year I’ve decided to go against the grain and actually do these things…I’ve taken up guitar lessons, did a modelling shoot which I was crapping myself about, and I’m going to book myself a solo holiday soon too….
    So glad you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, anxiety doesn’t need to control you…congratulations on the modelling job offer (although you didn’t take it it’s still amazing, you’re a beaut anyway so not surprised they were interested)…and I hope your artwork sale goes well 🙂
    Woah, that was longer than expected….ooops

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, cool stuff!
    And in terms of the dilators, maybe they’d be a must-do if vaginismus was purely a physical thing, but of course it’s not. It would seem to me that you’ve been working really hard on the vaginismus, and in the end that’s going to pay off. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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