Determining to overcome

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you will know that I have a hard time with intimacy. It’s no surprise that vaginismus makes one afraid of intimacy. Sex hurts, so your body wants to avoid that pain at all cost. Add on top of that depression and anxiety. The depression brings back a lot of negative emotions for me from my previous relationships, making it difficult to be in the present moment. Anxiety causes my muscles to tense up and also brings about a sense of apprehension with sex and affection.

All of these mental and emotional blocks are taking away a very special bond that I want to share with my fiance. Lately, it’s been even more difficult for me to express intimacy and showcase my affection. I’ve noticed that my PC muscles are always tense, no matter how much I try to relax them. However, I do not want this condition and my past struggles to control me. I refuse to let it win and hurt my dream relationship.

I know that many people want to tell me that I need to just “get over it” or “try harder to move away from the past because you have such a happy future.” Everyone sees my fiance and I and tell us how lucky I am and what a wonderful life we share. I know all of these are true, but when you are dealing with the struggles first-hand, it is not as easy to move past these battles as you might think. It takes a lot of hard work, work that I am constantly toiling with. I know that my fiance and I sometimes get into heated discussions about the lack of intimacy, but at the end of the day we always find support and strength in one another. I just wish I wasn’t afraid and nervous to add intimacy into that beautiful equation as well.

Even though this inner demon has been a real downer for me to endure this past week, I have hope again, thanks to my amazing therapist, who is working hard to help me get through this and overcome my fear of intimacy.

Many girls that I have recently talked to have expressed that dealing with vaginismus is a very slow process. It truly is, but I know that it has got to get better. I have to continue to stay positive and work hard on the exposure therapy that my therapist continues to teach me.

I won’t lie, some days are going to be rough and I will most likely vent on here about them. However, having determination is better than feeling defeat, and I am determined to get through this.

Just like I keep telling others, I need to keep reminding myself that I am enough ❤

 

28 thoughts on “Determining to overcome

  1. Wow. I’m so proud of you for being brave enough to openly talk about your intimacy issues. I do too, but I am too afraid to talk about it. You have inspired me to delicately start sharing that part of me with others. I didn’t know anything about vaginismus until I read about it from your blog and then looked it up. My therapist and I have talked about my issues with intimacy, but there is so much more to process that I don’t talk about it enough with him. I thank you for courage. I hope to imitate it. Take care. Becca X

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You definitely are enough beauty! And F#&*$ those who tell you to get over it. I am in awe of your strength, and your honesty. While we shouldn’t dwell on the past, that is what has shaped our feature, and we can not forget that. It is our past struggles that strengthen us to deal with the future. Thanks for sharing this and being so open. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think all the “get over it” kind of people should be dumped on an island somewhere so they’re stuck having to put up with each other. The important stuff is always worth the time it takes, no matter how much time that might be.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s funny how when people don’t understand something, they assume it’s something you can just get over, without realizing it’s an actual condition that takes time and treatment. I agree with the other comments, you are really brave with how you’re dealing with everything. And I love the positivity! You’re strong for everything, and I know it’s hard to overcome, but there will be a day you can make it happen. Best of luck as always 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You have great courage! I had never heard of this condition. Looked it up.
    People that don’t have it, or don’t want to listen to the explanation of what it is are poorly informed people. That’s there lost of learning. Shows how ignorant they are.
    Back in my day if you would say something my doctor he would look at you strange. I had Endometriosis. Told the doctor how I felt. Response was just normal things as you get older. When I finally had to have a hysterectomy that’s when the doctor discovered it. Surgery was longer than expected.
    Doctors and people have to learn not everyone in this world is the same. Medical conditions are not the same for everyone.
    Young lady don’t let anyone deter you from what you need to do for yourself. Think positive!
    Thank you for listening to this old gal! 😉🌺💚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for this lovely comment! 🙂 I completely agree with you about doctors and others needing to learn to listen to problems that are not just their own. My mom had the same problem with her doctor over endometriosis. It’s so very sad the doctor didn’t listen to you. And of course I’ll always listen! ❤❤❤

      Liked by 1 person

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